What's next?

I think of my sister, who had earned her first money and wanted to by me a present; i think of my best friend who asked me if we could hang out again after my leaving; i think of my roommates who needed my support to keep moving forward; i think of my mother who missed me every minute but always tell me she likes being alone. i think about death, which i had thought thousands of times, and i think about my strong father who got the disease my grandpa had caught. i am scared, i saw my father had the same symptoms like my dead grandpa, and i saw he did the same thing his father did before. i remember my sadness; i remember my grandpa's pain; i remember an old person had prayed to die in order to get the relief. but, my father, he is only 47... i can't imagine! it's just the same prelude that performed as my grandpa did a dozen years ago. just like to see a tragedy, you know the bad ending and it had happened on one of your family. when it's over, it happened again. i don't know, if it will happen on me some day, if i can face the reality? how can i save my family? how can i hold a friend? if everything had to leave, what can i keep? and who wants to stay?